Soap Opera Sappiness
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: The X-Girls have always been fond of the daytime dramas like General Hospital, Bold and Beautiful, etc. But ever wonder what would result if the kooky dames tried to get Longshot hooked? A whole bunch of hilarity would result, that's what!


**Soap Opera Sappiness**

**I do not own X-Men getting all mushy and teary-eyed watching soap operas**

"what are you ladies watching?" Longshot asked as Jean, Lorna, Dazzler, Selene, Madame Hydra, Madelyne, and Valerie were gathered in the lounge room

"Watching General Hospital." Jean explained, blowing her nose with a tissue loudly. "Geez! Jean, next time say it don't spray it!" Lorna hissed "Oh, **excuse me** for not existing! You **know** I get all emotional whether the guys or girls have a breakup or divorce!" Jean retorted

"Um… I can see you gals are gonna be busy for a while, I'm just gonna walk outta here…" Longshot sheepishly replied, slowly walking out

"Oh c'mon please, it's a marathon! Besides, didn't you tell me you wanted to 'do it' in the lounge?" Dazzler teased, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh **hell no!** I cant stand soap operas!" Longshot barked, trying to leave before Madame Hydra grabbed him by the neck and plopped him on the couch

"So Carly got pregnant again, Victor's being a smug magnificent bastard as always, Luke and Franco are still sexy and manly, um, who else is either pregnant or faking their death?" Jean asked

"Your guess is as good as mine. I watch it just for Carly and her sweet sweet body! God, I want to make love with her so badly!" Lorna gushed, love hearts in her eyes

"Um, Lorna… you're married. To Alex. Who's a **man**." Jean reminded, Lorna snapping out of her bizarre fantasy. Longshot rolled his eyes and sank down into the sofa. "This is the thanks I get after busting my ass fixing the satellite?" Longshot grumbled sarcastically

"Join the club, pal. If you cant stand the heat, well then… you get the idea." Jean replied, yawning. "You'll live." Lorna commented, snuggling up next to Longshot's chest.

Later…

"hey, whatcha reading?" Kitty asked as Longshot was reading a magazine. "CBS Soaps Daily. I'm trying to catch up with Bold and the Beautiful before the next episode." Longshot explained

"… **Oh**. Right, say have you seen Jean?" Kitty asked, trying to hide her growing laughter. "No. Why?" Longshot replied before an irate Sebastian Shaw marched into the kitchen, a snoozing Jean in his hand.

"Does **this** belong to either of you? I caught this floozy trying to loot me fridge! She was eatin' up all me fresh apple pies in her bleedin' sleep, she was!" Shaw barked in his Cockney accent

"Oh god.. have you been sleepwalking **again?**" Kitty moaned, rubbing her sore forehead. "mmm… blood of liver…" Jean mumbled, opening her eyes to give Shaw a dirty look. "Unhand me. **Now**." Jean hissed

"Y-yes ma'am." Shaw stammered fearfully, loosening his grip. Jean then landed on top of Kitty. "Oof! Get off me!" Kitty grunted, wheezing.

"Would you two simply **can it?** I'm trying to find out when Carly and Franco are ever gonna get married on GH." Longshot complained

"*NOOOOOOOOO!*" Lorna screamed in fury. "What? What is it? Are we under attack?" Selene asked hysterically

"Allison Sweeney left Days of Our Lives! Now there's no more Sami Gayle!" Lorna wailed, bawling hysterically. Selene immediately facepalmed. "God, I forget how crazy this house is…" Selene murmured, as she sat down by Lorna, patting her back.

"It's ok babe, it's not the end of the world. Besides, don't you have **all** the Days of our Lives DVDs at home?" Selene asked, Lorna nodded.

"Guys, Longshot's hogging the TV and he wont switch to the Knicks game! He's watching some crappy soap opera!" Iceman barked

"Stow it Drake, I'm trying to hear whether or not Carly and Franco get laid!" Longshot hollered, Lorna, Jean, Selene, Madame Hydra, Madelyne, Kitty and Dazzler making a mad dash for the TV room, bowling over Iceman and Northstar.

"The mademoiselles, they are drawn to these… melodrama television programmes, no?" Northstar mused in his attractive French accent

"Dude, seriously, ew. What are you gay or something?" Iceman winced in disgust, walking off. "Oh Iceman, mon Cherie… one day you'll come around…" Northstar blabbered, kissing the portrait of him and Iceman at the Thanksgiving dinner party, the girls watching.

"Take a long look Jubilee. That's one thing **not** to do to make yourself look attractive." Jean deadpanned


End file.
